Talking on the phone with a friend. I love you Miles. Song of the day is Kurt Kobain by Proof. Was important to me growing up, and I'm always curious whether I like Proof's work more because he died early into his career. Judge for yourself if you so desire. AND THAT'S WHY YOU ALWAYS BEEN FRIENDS WITH PROOF :) This morning I saw one article pop up on my PC about a discord group being designated as a terrorist group and ended up deep-diving a lot of vile online groups actively causing harm in the world. Made me pretty upset, and probably pushed me a bit more in the direction of getting less online. Maybe not less online, but less on "the internet", as defined by the corporations that govern much of the online sphere. I made a lot of poor decisions as a kid online, and I feel so lucky to not have been victimized in the manner many kids are today. It's heartbreaking, and I'll probably write more on how I feel about the internet at a later date. I always have a hard time telling if people like me. It gets worse when I am in social situations frequently, it's happening a little bit with work right now. All I can really do is be myself and not worry about it so much. When I got home last night I split in a weird way. My arbitrary expectations just were slightly unmet and it made me irrationally upset. I can't even completely recall where the emotions came from, but I think it was that I wanted to come home and watch wrestling, but everyone was awake and using both TVs. I had a fantasy of being unbothered and alone to watch wrestling, and when my expectation wasn't immediately met, it really upset me. I don't love that my brain works like that, but I have to acknowledge it and work towards solutions. I was being antisocial towards one of my roommates and I think it was a little mean, when I could have just told her I needed some solo decompression time. Sometimes I get sad that I need time to myself, because I oft feel like I am fighting against being so alone. When I need alone time, I oft fight it. I'm going to try to acknowledge when I need it, and give it to myself. Spendiing an entire day just cooking a little and reading 30 or so issues of Invincible all day, doing a little shrooms, that was wonderful. Made me really happy, and it's okay to do stuff like that. Have to tell myself that. I want to visit Atlanta again sometime, maybe next year. I need to talk to someone there, preferably before therapy next week. I love you if you read this, I love you if you don't.